Hey there! How are you? Enjoying the holiday season? Glad to hear it. Okay, enough of that. Let me tell you a little story.
Long ago, there was an author who self-published her books. She was an essentially lazy person and bitched and moaned throughout the entire process. "Ug!" she proclaimed regularly. "Now I have to make a cover? A COVER? I already wrote the fucking book! Goddammit that should be enough!" It also didn't help that she was crap at cover design. But finally, at last, another idiom that means "it took a long time but got done," she made all her books available for Kindle.
Months later, after she had somewhat recovered from this harrowing experience, she decided to put her books out in a paperback version. The hellish torture began again. Oh it was hellish. Picture hell. Do it. That's what it was like. But she sludged through it until it, too, was done.
But she knew she wasn't really done. No. There was fucking Barnes & Noble with their goddamn Nook. Why, god, why? she asked. And also there was the aforementioned holiday season. She knew that people would be gifted Nooks, and they would want to buy books for them. And she wanted people to buy her books. So she knew, even as she shook her fist at the sky, that she must, goddammit fuck all, make her books available for Nook.
But oh the torture she remembered from her last two endeavors. Torture, I tell you! Her father-in-law's house burned down (no joke!) and she thought, "If only I'd been in that house and died in the inferno, I wouldn't have to do this Nook thing." But luck had not been on her side, no blaze of fire took her life, so she bit the bullet and, this part was particularly painful, created a bn.com account. Then she logged into Pubit and steeled herself for misery.
Fifteen minutes later, she'd uploaded all four of her books and was done with nary a thing to complain about.*
And that's the news from here! Books now available for Nook!
*Of course she found some things to complain about. Look who were talking about here.